Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (5/10)

We can all learn from Marvel. Watch a Marvel movie and you will notice the action is on par with the story. I don't even have to touch on the storytelling yet; but with every flashy and stylish action sequence, there's an equally rich substance in the script. That's a winning formula.

Unfortunately for the curiously anticipating fans of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the see-saw is heavy on one side. Guess which.

The movie started beautifully with a narration by Tony Shalhoub with a collage of seemingly hand-drawn artwork in a comic-styled boxes, introducing us to that world of Ninja Turtles. But once the dialogue started with Megan Fox and Will Arnett, even in the first 10 seconds, I knew something was off with the writing.

Let's put it this way. The writing was so bad that I didn't even notice if Fox was giving a good or bad performance. The script was so bad that there's no way I could blame any one's performance.

Whoopi Goldberg could have had more scenes. SNL comedians Abby Elliot and Taran Killam were wasted talents. The character Karai performed by Minae Noji was a wasted subplot because of the writing that I couldn't even tell if Noji was terribly miscast.

The storyline was not fully thought out by the writing team of Josh Appelbaum, Andre Nemec and Evan Daugherty. Everything seemed half-baked. What exactly was Shredder's plan to take over New York City? What exactly was the relationship between William Fichtner's character and Tohoru Masamune's Shredder? I had the impression it was student and teacher but Fichtner didn't even throw a single punch. And when Donatello needed some adrenalin from a machine, the button was so conveniently available and labeled.

Furthermore, continuity issues were everywhere. Raphael seemed to be able to break concrete with a single punch but failed to break glass. In another scene, his shell cracked so he couldn't perform a stunt; but in another scene shortly after he used his shell to slam into a vehicle.

The Turtles' relationship with one another and their flaws were never fully delved into. Especially the tension between Leonardo and Raphael was just touch-and-go at best.

But the personalities of the Turtles were very clear. That was one of the best things of the movie. That, and the heavy action sequences. I surprised myself when I discovered that I was actually holding my breath. Not the choreography, mind you, because the actual martial art fight sequences were sorely lacking. But the chase and the crashes and the explosions, those were plenty and in overdrive (to make up for all the other flaws).

I also didn't understand the armour of Shredder. It looked so heavy and over-the-top and didn't fit into the movie at all. Yet Shredder was able to show agility. Let's not forget, Shredder was just a mere human that's trained in martial arts. He's not a superhuman.

At least director Jonathan Liebesman kept the run-time to around 90 minutes so there weren't a lot of fat to trim. But if we had a more thought-out story with better dialogue, this would have been a very entertaining movie. Alas, it was just a typical summer movie that needed you to leave your brain at the door.